It’s true. You never stop growing, uncovering, discovering. You may and should take hiatuses but when you are committed to breaking generational cycles, ending patterns that don’t serve you, squashing limiting beliefs and living to your potential- there is always something more. 

I thought I had all my limiting beliefs wiped out.   Jokes on me!  I uncovered a huge one today. I know to my bones that I’m enough,  I’m worthy, I’m deserving. It took me a lot of hard deep work to get there. It took time-years even.  Something was missing though.  Way down deep it laid and it wasn’t ready to come to the surface until today. That belief….. I’m not allowed to have nice things. I’m not allowed to have money. I’m not allowed to keep things that are important to me.  I’m not allowed to have what I desire. I’m not allowed to experience joy.
Wow.  Like I blew my mind when I connected all the dots.  

This core limiting belief was formed from many small events, the big one though, the one that anchored it in and has been held tightly until today…..that event happened when I was 7.

Before I get to that, I’m going to nerd out a bit. Limiting beliefs can be formed at anytime. The big daddy’s though, the ones that are so deeply engrained in our core are formed from birth (perhaps even in the womb) to 7 years old. This is because children internalize everything and because during this age range our brains are operating in a theta state. That’s a hypnotic like brain state that is VERY VERY VERY receptive to what it is fed.  Positive or negative.  Even events that don’t seem so insignificant as an adult can have a HUGE impact on a small child brain, which is why no matter how hard we try our kids will need to heal some from something even the best parents have done unintentionally.  Ugh, yeah that sucks. 

Back to my 7 year old self, I loved music. I still do. It brought me joy.  Not a lot did then. I had a turbulent childhood. I did find joy at times though. My brother (but not always ), my Aunts, using my imagination, being creative and music. I couldn’t wait to get the Thriller album. I was so excited like most of the world. We were going to Murphys and I was going to get this album. I was counting the days, minutes, seconds. I pretty much was living for this album.

I got the album! I don’t remember a whole lot after that except I couldn’t wait to get home to listen to it. We didn’t go right home though. We stopped at a family members house.  My guess, knowing children, is I didn’t want to be there and I was being annoying about it.  I wanted to go home and listen to my Michael Jackson album because it’s what I was living for. My parents to the album from me. I didn’t get to listen to it. In fact, it was locked away in the gun cabinet that had a glass door so I could see it! I’m choosing to believe that was not intentional. My parents did not know taking the album from me would anchor in a belief that would hold me back from allowing.  Allowing good things to happen to me without questioning it. Allowing myself to enjoy the things that bring me joy thoroughly.  Allowing myself to a want the things I desire without fear of losing them. 

I bring this event up often so I knew there was something significant to it. I never explored it though because I had MUCH MUCH more traumatic events in my life. It has been my missing piece though, possibly because it did, as an adult, feel insignificant. 

What did I do about it? It will be a process. No core belief gets rewired overnight. I started with some Inner Child work using hypnotherapy. Not to change to experience. I won’t do that for you or me. I wanted to let 7 year old me know that it’s okay. That even though this was taken from them, it wasn’t her fault. She is allowed to experience joy. She is allowed to express herself. She is loved and that she can listen to that album anytime she wants now. In fact, that will be part of me rewiring this belief.  I still have that album. I’m going to listen to that very album (as soon as I get a record player ). I’m going to dance and I’m going to tune into the joy I feel from the tips of my toes to the tip of my head.  I’m going to remind myself every single day through audio scripts and verbally repeating: